The Other Side of Fear
by Dangereux
Summary: Emily helps JJ overcome a near-death experience. My take on if JJ was taken as a victim in the episode "Heathridge Manor." One-shot. Femslash.


A/N Hey guys, this is my first CM fic, not sure I at all have their voices right but I thought I'd give it a try. Let me know what you think! And as always, thanks for reading.

_Everything you want is on the other side of fear - Jack Canfield_

She'd been close to death before, but not like this.

There had been a few harrowing moments, hardly more than quick flashes of panic; fleeting, thrilling even. Just enough to keep her appreciative of her life, but not enough to make her afraid. The perfect dose of fear. In those moments she'd breathed a sigh of relief, flashed a reassuring smile to her colleagues, had a drink. Simple. Easy.

She'd never imagined that terror could feel like this. Black and encompassing, wrapping around her brain, sinking its tendrils between the folds of her mind until her thoughts were a blur of disjointed panic. She couldn't think, she couldn't react. There was nothing but the fear.

The water was getting deeper now, cold and biting at her hips. The dress she'd been sewn into, so heavy, even when dry, was beginning to weigh so much with the added water it was all JJ could do to stay standing. Another bucket of ice water cascaded over her head, raking down her back, causing her breath to catch with the cold of it. It hadn't taken long for the water to rise this high. Sputtering, pushing the hair out of her eyes, she looked around again, so desperate to see something she might have missed before.

Her eyes lit on wet stone, slippery with algae, and nothing else at all. The round grey stones were fitted perfectly together, no chink in the surface for her to grip her hands and feet on, only 20 feet of unforgiving rock. JJ looked up, the device at the top of the well poised to dump more water on her. She dove to the side, pressed her back against the wall to avoid the worst of it, but the frigid water still splashed over her chest, slapped her in the face. She knew she may well die of hypothermia before drowning was even an option.

It was her instinct to scream, to claw at the walls, the fear taking over her training and common sense. JJ tried to take a calming breath, though it was more ragged and sharp than she would have liked, pressed the fear to the back of her mind, and waited. Because she realized, at the bottom of a well that was not-so-slowly filling with water, wearing a heavy, woolen gown, with no possible means of escape: waiting was her only choice.

The water was at her chest now, her teeth chattering with cold. The gown was at least submerged enough that the water was able to take the weight of it from her body. Another bucket came pouring down, they were coming faster, or maybe JJ was just losing her sense of time in the dark chasm. She closed her eyes as another bucket emptied itself onto her, no longer bothering to move out of the way. Her hair was plastered to her head, thick ropes hanging in front of her eyes as she shivered and coughed. The fear was still there, making her heart pound wildly in her chest, but the cold of the water was knifing through her skin like a dagger, making her feel so tired. So weary.

She knew the team was working to save her, that they'd figure it out, she had to believe that. There was nothing she had greater faith in than the group of people she spent her life with, the people she considered her family. All she needed to do was stay alive long enough for them to get to her. Her thoughts focused on Emily, and her chest ached with something other than the cold. The thought that she might never get to see Emily's face again, might never get the chance to tell her all the things she'd kept locked away, strengthened her resolve to survive.

JJ's mind refocused on the water rising around her, and realized that she would be completely submerged if she didn't do something soon. Painfully, she started moving her numb, heavy limbs, treading the water as she fought against the weight of the gown she wore. Her left arm ached with a searing pain as she started to swim, and she cried out in surprise. She didn't remember hurting herself, but she'd been unconscious before she had woken up at the bottom of the well. The adrenaline pumping through her body dulled the pain enough to the point where she could manage some movement. At first she thought she didn't have enough strength to keep herself above the water, but as the level of it rose, and her limbs warmed fractionally from the movement, she was able to keep herself above surface.

The water was coming in at a constant stream now, a frigid river that poured over the top of JJ's head, into her eyes, down her back. Her body was so tired, so numb, so cold, but she still managed to keep herself, sputtering, struggling, above the water line. Her movements were clumsy, her arms smacking loudly against the water as she struggled to stay afloat, the weight of her gown trying to drag her down. The time was rushing by as quickly as the water above her head, and the next time JJ was able to refocus her sluggish mind, the top of the well was only a few feet away, she could see the detail in the iron grate that would keep her locked in. Above her, the sounds echoed and distorted from her position in the well, JJ thought she could hear something. A shout, maybe? Eyes heavy, she forced herself to stay conscious, to focus.

Straining to hear over the rush of the water as it poured over her head, JJ was sure this time that she could hear something. Voices. And they were calling for her. The water level had risen enough that she could reach up and grab the grate with her good arm, holding herself out of the water. Her limbs were shaking with cold and fatigue, but JJ knew she only had to hold on a little longer.

She screamed over the rush of the water "I'm here!" and a moment later the face of Emily Prentiss, pale with fear and relief, appeared on the other side of the grate. She felt Emily's hands, so warm they nearly burned, cover her icy fingers hooked through the wrought iron bars.

"JJ, thank god," she breathed, "we're going to get you out of there, just hang on." JJ nodded, a sob of relief escaping her. Emily had placed her body in between the stream of water and the iron grate, attempting to prevent it from filling the well any further. JJ could see Emily grit her teeth as the cold ran over her spine, partially deflecting the water. Emily's dark eyes, focused but glinting with fear, scanned the grate and saw the large padlock securing it in place. She turned and called over her shoulder, "Hotch!" JJ could hear an answering call, but couldn't make it out over the water. Despite Emily's attempts to stop the well from filling, JJ was only a few inches from being pressed against the grate. "Hotch, we need the key!" Emily called, and JJ was sure there was an edge of panic in her voice now.

Emily turned back to JJ, "We're almost there, Jayje, just hang on!" JJ nodded, forcing her mind to focus on Emily's face, her dark eyes fixed on JJ's. The water was up to JJ's ears now and she could see Emily screaming behind her but could no longer make sense of it. The water was so cold against her skull JJ could barely see with the shock of it. Her fingers were gripping the iron so tightly, the feeling of Emily's hands over hers was the only thing her frozen skin could feel anymore.

The water was spilling over Emily's back, her blue shirt clinging to her body, her hair plastered to her head. The last thought JJ had as the water enveloped her head wasn't one of fear or regret. She simply thought "God, she's so beautiful."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It felt as though she was flying, for a moment. The edges of her vision went dark, then white points of light floated before her eyes like stars glinting in the night sky. JJ felt her fingers release their vice-like grip on the iron grate, but wasn't bothered by it. She felt warm again, safe. She felt at peace. She felt hands gripping her roughly under her arms. She felt herself being lifted from the water. She felt herself being saved, in more ways than one.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Emily lifted JJ, gasping, from the glacial water of the well. Her hands gripped tightly under JJ's arms, she hauled the blonde agent's upper body higher out of the water. "Put your arms around me sweetheart, it's okay, hold on to me," she gasped, her voice shaking with emotion and relief. JJ, half conscious, lifted her arms heavily and hooked them around Emily's neck. Emily held her tightly for a moment, pressing JJ's soaking body against her chest as the bottom half of her was still in the water. "It's okay, I've got you now," she soothed, "I've got you." JJ returned her embrace, clinging tightly as she pressed her face into Emily's neck, felt the rapid pulse of her heart against her cheek. She nodded breathlessly, and thought it would have to do, as she didn't have the strength to say "I'm okay," or "thank you" or "my god I am so in love with you."

She took deep, gasping gulps of air as Emily pulled her clear of the well and helped her to the ground, where she slowly sank to her knees, willing the tears of relief and terror to wait until she was alone. Hotch was there, she felt his calm, steady presence before she saw him, kneeling next to her with one hand on her back. He put his other hand on her face, looked her in the eyes, said nothing. She nodded once, too breathless still to speak, and his mouth set in a grim, satisfied line. "I'm glad you're okay, JJ."

She watched him stand up, walk away, talk to another agent who was holding the sick son of a bitch that had taken her in the first place. She'd never even seen him coming, only felt the damp cloth he clamped over her mouth, felt the dizzying sickness and panic, then lost consciousness. Presently she watched the agent haul the kid to his feet, attempt to lead him away. She caught eyes with the man that nearly killed her, and he uttered something under his breath. JJ couldn't make it out as she knelt on the cold stone, gasping and dripping, but she was sure it wasn't good.

Emily knelt down next to her, reached out and skimmed her fingers against JJ's cheek. JJ, taken aback at the uncharacteristic display of affection, covered Emily's hand with her own, looked her in the eyes as her breathing began to relax, willed her to see everything she was trying to tell her. Loud footsteps came up behind them, breaking the moment. Hotch had sent the paramedics down to her. She gave Emily's hand a final squeeze, watched the ghost of a smile flicker across her face, then released her hand and let the paramedics take her away.

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"Emily, you really didn't have to drive me home," JJ insisted.

She watched Emily's eyes flick in her direction, then focus on the road as she drove them from work. "JJ, please, it's the least I can do."

"I told you, I'm _fine," _she replied, trying her best to paint a weak smile on her face. She felt ridiculous even saying it, because she knew how hollow it sounded. She caught a glimpse of herself in the sideview mirror, bruises blossoming across the left side of her face, a cut above her left eye. Her right arm, dislocated when _he_ had wrenched her arm behind her back as he smothered her with ether, was nestled in a blue sling. She looked as far from "fine" as it might be possible to get, and it would have been so nice, so easy, to tell Emily that. But she didn't. That's not how it works at the BAU.

Emily let out a scoff, her dark ponytail swishing as she shook her head, "JJ. Look, I know all about the 'I'm fine' tactic, in fact, I'm pretty sure I _invented _it. And as someone who says it a lot, I know that the more I say it, the less fine I usually am." She braked at a stop light, looked over at JJ, dark eyes serious. "I know Hotch has us all trained to never show emotion, to behave like nothing ever gets to us. But you're not Hotch, and neither am I. And I say, it's okay, to not be okay."

The light changed and Emily hit the gas, taking them in the direction of JJ's apartment. The late afternoon sky was grey and overcast, a drizzle of rain streaked down the window as JJ looked out. She bit her lip, blinked away the moisture in her eyes, frustrated at the tears that wanted to fall. It felt so good to hear someone say that, especially someone like Emily, who she had always seen as a strong and steady force. Someone who never let anything get under her skin. Before she could say anything, Emily spoke again, keeping her voice light and casual, though JJ could see the nervous tension in her posture as she asked "Maybe you should spend the weekend at my house."

JJ had to stop herself from immediately blurting out "Yes!" to the offer. She knew Emily was just worried about her, just being nice. "Emily," she started, keeping her voice as calm as possible. "You don't have to babysit me. I'll be okay." She could hear her own voice break on the last word, and winced.

Emily's shoulders were tensed, JJ felt the car slow as Emily pulled over on the side of the road. She sat up straight, looked at Emily questioningly. "Emily, what…?"

Emily turned to face her, eyes bright with emotion, though JJ couldn't tell which one. "JJ, I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying it must have been for you today. But I do know that when I saw you clinging half-conscious to that grate, when I saw the water cover your face, and your fingers let go, I have ever been so scared in my entire life. So, even if you are as okay as you say - which I think is complete BS, by the way - _I'm_ not feeling at all okay. I nearly watched my best friend drown today. And I would feel a hell of a lot better if, just for a couple of days, I knew where you were, and that you were being looked after. Can you do that for me?"

JJ's mouth had slowly fallen open at the beginning of Emily's speech, and now, heart aching, she couldn't help herself as she felt her lips spread into a stupid grin, though it made her face hurt. "Okay, Emily. For you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They entered Emily's apartment twenty minutes later, Emily insisted on carrying JJ's go-bag, and after a brief argument, JJ had let her. She set the bag down next to the door and flicked on the kitchen lights, JJ trailing after her, not sure where to stand. She'd been in Emily's apartment plenty of times, but rarely alone, and never to stay the night. Despite the pain she was in, both emotional and physical, JJ couldn't help the feeling of excitement at the prospect of being alone with Emily for days at a time. She tried to keep her giddiness in check, "_Relax, Jureau, what are you twelve_?"

Emily turned to her, a hint of color showing through her pale complexion, and JJ couldn't help but wonder if Emily wasn't sharing some of her feelings as well. She quickly dismissed the thought. _You wish. _

"So, did you want to get cleaned up at all before I start making dinner?" Emily asked, gesturing upstairs.

JJ nodded, "Yeah, I guess I'd better get the smell of well-water out of my hair," she joked, fingering a blonde tendril of hair. Emily had the grace to laugh at her black humor as she hoisted JJ's go-bag over her shoulder. "Come on, I'll get you set up." JJ followed her up the plush, carpeted stairs. Emily led her past the main bathroom, which had no shower or tub, and into her own bedroom. JJ had to work hard to keep her face neutral as she entered Emily's room. She'd imagined the moment many times, but had never thought she'd actually get the chance to see it. Surprisingly, nothing in her bedroom, or in the rest of her house for that matter, struck her as being very..._Emily. _It was all impersonal, like a hotel room. But it did smell like her, and that was something. JJ had always loved the way Emily smelled, warm and feminine, with a hint of vanilla.

"I know what you're thinking," Emily smiled as she set down JJ's bag, "It looks like the demo unit. I bought it furnished and haven't been here enough to actually make it more my own."

JJ nodded knowingly, watching Emily dig out a fresh towel from her closet. "Yeah, I know what that's like. Last time I moved, it took me 9 months just to finish unpacking."

Feeling bolder, she walked up behind her, peeking around Emily's shoulder to see her closet. The floor was a jumble of clothes, only about half the contents of her closet was actually hanging up. JJ raised an eyebrow, then winced in pain as the cut on her forehead protested. "Hey," Emily laughed, "I didn't know I was having company, okay?"

"I never took you for _messy!_" JJ teased, her blue eyes shining with mirth.

"I am not _messy_," Emily countered, "I'm just organizationally challenged." JJ burst out laughing at that, though it made her whole body ache. "You're forbidden from telling anyone about this," Emily warned, pointing a long finger at JJ accusingly. JJ held her good hand up in surrender. "I promise," she said, her voice low with laughter, "it's our secret."

Emily's eyes flashed, and JJ could have sworn she saw a look of open arousal on her face before she rearranged her expression. "It had better be," she laughed, taking the stack of towels and heading to the ensuite bathroom. JJ shook her head, _Seriously, get a grip, girl. This is wishful thinking, that's all it is._ Still, as JJ followed behind her, she couldn't help her stomach doing flip flops at the energy she swore she could feel between the two of them. Emily set the towels down on the counter and leaned over the tub to turn on the water, while JJ starting fumbling with the velcro straps of her sling. JJ could never have anticipated the violent reaction she would have until it was already happening. The second the sound of the water rushing out of the tap hit her ears, JJ's entire body sprang backwards away from the sound. Her back hit the wall behind her, knocking a framed picture off the wall and shattering it.

Emily quickly shut off the water and stood up, rushing to JJ who had sank to her knees, picking up the shards of glass with shaking hands. "I"m so sorry, Emily!" she half-sobbed, her neck and face flushing with embarrassment. "I don't know what came over me, I'll replace this, okay?" She quickly brushed away a stray tear with her knuckle before collecting another sliver of glass from the tile.

"JJ, it's okay, it's okay," Emily said, her voice gentle, careful. "Hey, it came with the house, I don't care about the picture." She reached out and held JJ by her wrist, stopping her from her attempts to clean.

JJ, already so tired, so worn, was unable to fight off the wave of emotion that was crashing through her. She dropped the piece of glass she was holding, pulled out of Emily's grasp and covered her mouth with her hand as the first sob escaped her throat. Tears spilled, hot and unrelenting, down her cheeks as she slid back and leaned against the bathroom cupboard. Emily moved to sit down next to her, putting an arm around the younger agent's shoulders. JJ leaned into her, hooking her good arm around Emily's neck as she wept, unable to stop the sobs that wracked her body. Emily pulled JJ into her lap, wrapping her arms protectively around her, murmuring soothing words into her ear as she kissed her hair, rubbed her back. JJ didn't know how long she lay there in Emily's arms before she was finally able to control the tears, her breathing finally starting to calm.

JJ lifted her head, eyelashes wet with tears, face bruised and swollen, and was immediately self-conscious that she looked like a complete mess. But Emily's eyes, brown and intense, were staring at her in a way that made her feel as though Emily didn't agree. JJ's eyes dropped to Emily's mouth, her tongue sliding out to lick her own lips. "Feel better?" Emily asked, her voice was low and husky, and JJ knew this time she wasn't imagining things.

"Yes," JJ replied breathlessly. "Thank you. I guess I needed that." _I need a lot more than a good cry, Emily._

Emily smiled, gently wiped the moisture from JJ's cheeks. "Do you want to try again, or should we give up for now?"

JJ laughed, "Well, I don't think I can avoid this forever. Showering is fairly crucial."

Emily smiled, "Fair enough." She helped JJ to stand. "Do you think a bit of warning would help?"

JJ nodded, "Yeah, and, um." She raked her hands through her hair, embarrassed to ask. "Maybe if you just stayed with me? I'll be quick," she added. _I cannot believe I am asking her this!_

Emily nodded, "Of course, JJ. I'll be right here. Let me help you," she indicated JJ's sling. JJ turned around so Emily could reach the straps, carefully undoing them and sliding the sling off JJ's shoulder. JJ winced, cradling her arm. "I'm going to get the shower started, ok?" JJ nodded, fumbling one-handed with her buttoned shirt. Emily reached out, gently brushed JJ's fingers away, and started undoing JJ's shirt for her. JJ's heart leapt into her throat, and it took all her strength not to groan as Emily's fingers deftly ghosted over her breasts, opened her shirt. She was sure that Emily could see the flush of her arousal on her chest, but if she did she gave no indication, except maybe a subtle darkening of her brown eyes.

Emily helped her out of her shirt, then wordlessly reached around JJ, so close her breasts brushed against JJ's, breath hot against her ear. JJ's knees could barely hold her upright as she felt Emily's fingers brush against her back, and flick open her bra clasp in one smooth motion. _You have done this before. _

JJ's bra straps slid down her arms, but her bra held in place. Emily, her skin definitely looking flushed, met her eyes briefly, and JJ was at a loss to read the expression there. "Do you need any more help?" she asked, and JJ was almost certain she was asking about more than helping with her clothes. But because she wasn't exactly sure, she shook her head, unable to form words, and watched Emily lean over and get the shower started.

The sound of the water briefly made the pit of her stomach lurch, brought her back to the freezing well, gasping for air, but the warmth of Emily's touch, the memory of the smell of her so close, was enough to chase all that away. JJ let her bra fall to the ground and started unbuttoning her jeans. She was sure Emily's neck was flushing with color, but she didn't turn around from where she was arranging the shampoo bottles, all neatly within reach of JJ's good arm.

JJ let her pants fall to the ground as well, and she could see that Emily was breathing heavily now. She hooked a finger under the elastic of her underwear and dragged it down her body, kicking it off her ankle. Emily stood to one side, holding back the shower curtain and keeping her eyes cast politely down, but JJ saw how tightly her hand gripped the shower curtain. She stepped past the taller agent, into the spray of the water, and Emily closed the curtain behind her. JJ was almost surprised by the warmth of the water, in contrast to the glacial bucketfuls she'd experienced earlier that day. Determined not to be afraid, she stepped forward into the spray, let the water run over her face.

After a few brief moments of panic, JJ steadied her breathing, remembered Emily was on the other side of the curtain. She reached for the soap, ran it over herself, tried to keep her thoughts on the here and now. _Focus._ She returned her thoughts to Emily, remembering how she was the last thing on her mind in what were nearly her final moments. She'd let fear of rejection, fear of ruining their friendship, their working relationship, stop her from ever saying what she wanted to, do what she wanted to, with the older agent.

But after today, she couldn't believe she'd wasted so much time. And if Emily's behavior was any indication today, maybe she hadn't been the only one holding back. JJ let a sly smile slide over her lips as she raked shampoo through her hair with one hand. "You doing okay?" Emily asked, her shadow appearing on the other side of the curtain.

"I am more than okay," she replied softly.

Finished, she shut the water off and opened the curtain. Emily, her hair now loosely around her shoulders, eyes still bright with emotion, held out a towel to JJ. JJ stepped into it, letting Emily wrap the towel around her body. They stood, face to face, rivulets of water running down JJ's bare skin. The setting sun, having broken through the cloud, illuminated their faces through the window. JJ closed the distance between them, pressed her lips firmly against Emily's, stepped closer until there was no space between them at all.

Emily responded immediately, as though it was something they did every day, as though they'd done it a hundred times before. Her long arms wrapped around JJ's body, still slick with water, and JJ reached up to curl her fingers into Emily's soft, dark hair. They deepened the kiss, mouths opening, tongues meeting. JJ's towel fell, damp and forgotten, between them as she pushed Emily up against the bathroom counter. Her kisses became more insistent, teeth scraping, fingers wrapped tensely now in Emily's hair.

Emily's hands ran over JJ's body, fingers skimming every inch of her back, her ass, her hips, until JJ's body was alive with the feeling of it. She broke the kiss long enough to reach down with her good hand and haul up the hem of Emily's shirt, Emily helping her pull it up and off. A sly smile on her face, she reached back and unclasped Emily's bra one-handed, Emily's face breaking into a smile as she let her bra slide off her body, "Oh is that so?" she laughed. JJ nodded, eyes hungrily taking in Emily's body.

Emily stepped forward, careful not to hurt her, and spun her around, lifted her onto the counter. JJ's legs wrapped around Emily's body, her fingers reaching down to flick open the button of her jeans. She impatiently pushed Emily's pants down until they were around her ankles. Emily deftly stepped out of them, never breaking the kiss she was in the middle of, as she pulled JJ closer to her, their bodies grinding together through the fabric of Emily's underwear. JJ cried out at the intensity of the feeling, of the moment.

Emily slowed her movements, dropped kisses down the side of JJ's neck as JJ let her head fall back. She felt Emily's hands slide under her legs, scoop her up. Letting out a laugh of surprise she wrapped her legs tighter around Emily's waist as Emily carried her to the bedroom. She brought Emily's face to hers, kissed her until she stumbled, had to momentarily press JJ against the wall to finish the kiss and catch their balance. JJ looked up at Emily, her good arm arm slung lazily over Emily's neck. The smile faded from Emily's face, her expression serious, tense. "JJ, I love you. I just needed you to know."

JJ's face split into a painful grin. "I love you so much, Emily. I was afraid to say it for so long, but I'm not anymore."

Emily stopped, stared down at JJ in disbelief. "What changed?"

"I realized there are a lot of things to be afraid of in this world. But love isn't one of them."


End file.
